


We Weren't Fated (But I Was Made For You)

by DoneWithIt



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Childhood Friends, Eventual Childhood Sweethearts, F/F, Genius Raven Reyes, Hurt Lexa (The 100), Hurt/Comfort, I dont know what i am doing, I'm Bad At Tagging, Original Character(s), Protective Lexa (The 100)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:20:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25557223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoneWithIt/pseuds/DoneWithIt
Summary: "I miss her, and I feel like I don't know how to do anything else," Raven whispered. Doctor Becca nodded in understanding, a soft look in her eyes as she regarded the girl that sat across from her. Raven had everything she could possibly want, but she couldn't be happy. Not without Lexa."Are you still trying to find her?" the Doctor asked."Yes, I can't stop. Everything she ever did was so I could be happy, what kind of person would I be if I didn't at least try to share some of my success and happiness with her?""You don't look very happy," the Doctor said, tilting her head to the side in consideration."I will be when I find her."or,The one where Lexa and Raven meet each other as kids, both of them alone and lost in the foster system. They become family, they become each other’s, only to be separated.
Relationships: CommanderMechanic - Relationship, Lexa & Raven Reyes, Lexa/Raven Reyes, Lexaven - Relationship
Comments: 50
Kudos: 116





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> TW: There are mentions of child suicide and suicide ideation. Nothing of the sort happens, there's just brief talk of it. Still, thought you should know

There were two of Father’s creations that I was particularly entranced with. Many things made them special, but I was fascinated by them because they had met me many times and somehow managed to escape my grasp. I always breathe easier when a child manages to escape from me. They tend to be small, sweet, and defenseless.

In my humble opinion, Father made them easy prey, almost like he wants them to die. They can barely walk or communicate years after their birth, and their brains are not fully developed until they are 18 years old. Some of them act like idiots far into their adulthood so I am forced to watch their stupid actions until they either get themselves killed or manage to escape. Father talks about them like they are His most precious creation, the ones He is most proud of. And still, for some reason, He made them easy to kill, leaving me with the most tiring job ever. I have to pick them up and either taken up to Father or down to one of my brothers.

Children, they are quite cute, if I must say so myself. But they die quite easily. Small falls, petty illnesses, a little bit of rain, too much sun exposure. Anything and everything can kill them so they rarely escape. But these two, these two are special, they have been evading me since the moment they were born. I love it. I hate having to take children away, I’m quite fond of their big heads and sweet eyes.

I’ll begin this retelling by talking to you about Raven, born to one of the most idiotic humans I have ever met. One of those humans that refuse to get help when they need it most. Don’t get me wrong, I know well that addiction is an illness, but we all know there is a cure and this woman simply refused to work for it. With her mother an addict Raven’s birth was quite traumatic, there were many complications involved and because of that I had to be present to take her, her mother, or both, in case things went horribly wrong.

That day Raven made her first escape, screaming her lungs out as soon as she made it out her mother’s body. I stayed around to watch for a bit, invisible to all other humans as I went near her and bopped her nose with my finger. I could sense right away that Father had poured a bit more intelligence in her than in most humans, probably to make up for her mother’s idiotic ways. She would be a genius if she managed to continue evading me. I made a funny face at her and stayed until she was no longer crying, waiting around to see if she would lose her mother. She didn’t and after checking on her once more I decided to leave.

After a few days, I found myself checking on her often. Like I mentioned before, I do not enjoy the sight of dead children. So, with my ability to move through time and to be anywhere and everywhere as I saw fit, I found myself visiting Raven constantly, making sure her idiot mother would not get her killed.

The woman was not particularly abusive, but she was quite neglectful. Which is a form of abuse, I suppose. She would often leave her newborn child on her own while she went to look for her next dose. I walked into the apartment and saw Raven, the little child was screaming her lungs out, she needed her diaper changed and she also was very hungry. I stuck my index in her mouth to quiet her for a second as I tried to think. She immediately started sucking and while she did so I considered my options.

I was a busy creature, I could not dedicate myself to taking care of a child, but if the child continued to starve, she would die and I was resolute to not allow that to happen. That thought process led to a light bulb moment. In seconds I was walking through the wall of Raven’s apartment and stepping into Luna’s. Single mother of two, currently folding laundry as she reveled in the peace of her children being at school.

Luna would be a great caretaker for Raven when her mother was off looking for whatever substance she was addicted to. Father usually didn’t allow us to get involved in the lives of His precious humans, but it was not my fault that He made them so defenseless in the first place. With that thought in mind, I unlocked the door of Raven’s apartment and knocked on the door of Luna’s.

Naturally, the woman went to open the door and didn’t see me but she did hear the screaming child next door. I watched for a moment as Luna bit her lip with a frown, her scent which had been calm and soothing a moment before shifted to concern. I heard the beat of her heart accelerate and in seconds her hand was hovering over the doorknob of Raven’s door.

I knew it was illegal for humans to go into the homes of other humans without permission, and I knew that was the only reason why Luna didn’t immediately burst inside the apartment.

Instead, she knocked on the door.

“Hello! Sara? Do you need help with the baby?” Luna screamed through the door. I knew she probably was hoping for a response from Raven’s mother but I hoped she would realize that there was no one in there and that said realization allowed her to break inside.

“Sara?” Luna asked once more. Her thoughts were loud and clear in my head. She knew there was no one there and all she could hear was Raven’s crying. For a moment I considered talking to her, but I knew that knocking on her door had already been too much. Humans could fool themselves into thinking they had just ‘imagined’ certain sounds, but hearing a voice would immediately send them into spiraling thoughts of madness.

I stood there, annoyed at Luna, and wanting to smash her head against the door. A baby was crying inside that door! Why wouldn’t she just go in? Stupid human laws. I paced there for a second, wondering if I should open the door for her so she wouldn’t feel like she was trespassing when I finally heard Luna curse under her breath.

“Fuck it!” She said, opening the door and going inside. She picked Raven up from her crib and rummaged around the kitchen, trying to find the necessary items to make her a bottle. I watched the scene feeling quite pleased with myself. And once Raven was in a clean diaper and drinking greedily from a warm bottle, I allowed myself to leave. She would be fine for the time being.

…………………………………

Lexa was another story, a slightly more tragic one. When she was born, she was already dead, so I was just waiting for the right time to take her away. I cursed at Father a million times for giving me this job and held her in my arms, her body was still warm. I heard her mother cry and quietly apologized, hoping she wouldn’t blame me for this. I did not choose who lived and who died, but humans tended to fear me and blame me for everything.

Moments later, I was pleasantly surprised to find her tiny body disappearing from my arms. I looked up to see her spirit returning to her little body. An act that happened thanks to some of Father’s favorite humans, doctors. I was quite relieved to see them successfully operate on Lexa. It was not a pleasant sight, she was tiny and they were cutting open her chest to fix a defect on her heart, but in the end, she managed to live.

She couldn’t not be one of my favorites. The brief seconds she spent in my arms meant that even when I made myself invisible, she would be able to see me. I usually try to stay away from those, because for humans seeing things that other humans can't see was another sign of madness. However, when a few days later I had to take Lexa’s mother away and after her father left her in the hospital leaving behind only a blanket engraved with her name and a handkerchief, I knew I would have to stick around to keep an eye on her.

Humans were cruel. Lexa’s father was cruel. And I would feel nothing but pleasure when his time ran out and I had to take him down to my brother so he could experience an eternity of suffering and misery.

I forced myself to take a deep breath and calm down as I watched the human leave the hospital without looking back. For weeks Lexa remained in the pediatric ICU. The authorities were notified and as soon as she was better, I followed her all the way to one of the most atrocious places on earth, an orphanage.

For a second, I wondered if it would have been better if I had gotten to take Lexa Up There with me. No child would grow up happy in an orphanage. Once she was safely inside and in the care of awful humans, I promised myself to come to see her often. She would see me, no doubt, but I hoped to make her life easier however I could. I could only hope she was adopted at some point, preferably by a nice family.

Of course, that never happened, and during the first seven years of her life, I became the best imaginary friend a child could ask for. Lexa was smart but way too gentle of heart and so I was forced to spread a little violence in the world and show her how to throw a proper punch. In my defense, both the other children and the adults in her orphanage were assholes, and Lexa was too pure of heart to defend herself. They would mock her and beat her up for everything, because of her messy hair, because she had trouble rolling her Rs, because she was quite scrawny, because she had an imaginary friend… She was lonely and defenseless, becoming quickly a shell of a person. She only really had me and I had to do my best to make sure she would survive long enough to leave that place and see the beauty in the world Father created. So, I taught her how to fight. It was not my fault so many of Father’s creations had become cruel assholes.

Soon, Lexa had to be moved to a group home because the people of the orphanage could not handle her any longer. She only fought when she had to defend herself. I made sure to teach her that violence was bad and that should only be used as a last resource and for defense. But still, Lexa had to be moved. I begged in Father’s name so the new place would be less of a shit hole, but of course, it wasn’t.

The place was a mess, the adults didn’t care for the kids and the kids had grown to be violent animals. All of them were just trying to survive in the mess that they had been thrown into, it was not their fault, but I couldn’t help but hate them a little every time I saw them abuse Lexa in any way.

The worse days were those when Lexa would ask me why couldn’t I save her from them. As she grew older, she began understanding I wasn’t just an imaginary friend but the explanation of what I was still too complicated for her little mind to understand. I shouldn’t even check on her. The little things I could get away with, but stopping a fight where a bunch of children would feel an invisible force pulling them away from Lexa in the middle of a fight, that would cause trouble. I tried to explain that to Lexa, but my explanation didn’t seem to take away the stench of pain and sadness that poured out of her in waves.

There were rare cases in which I would take away children that had provoked their own deaths. They were few, but always devastating. And very early on, I could hear Lexa having disturbing thoughts that drifted along those lines.

She was 7 years old and wondering what would happen if she jumped over the bridge that crossed the lake. I could only watch as she hid under the bed facing the wall, the only place where she felt truly safe, and begged whomever would listen for things to be over. Right then I made a decision. I knew that I had already meddled too much, but I couldn’t help myself, I had to do something.

………………………

I debated on what to do for days until a thug in my gut had me standing at Raven’s side. The five-year-old was crying, trying to wake her mother up at the sight of fire. The mother, unconscious after consuming who knows what didn’t bulge. I rushed to Luna’s apartment and knocked; I got no answer. If I waited any longer things would go wrong so against my better judgment, I picked up the phone and dialed 911. After that I made myself visible for Raven and stepped into her line of sight, picking her up and dragging her out of the apartment. She screamed for her mommy and I found myself going back in to drag the woman outside as well. I activated the fire alarm so the other humans would leave the building and after a few minutes the firemen took over.

Because I meddled, no human was hurt that day and Raven’s mother managed to survive both whatever she had put in her veins and the fire. The only thing that went wrong for her was being exposed as a terrible caretaker. Raven would be taken out of her care and with no other relative she would be taken under the government’s care.

Cue another of my wonderful lightbulb moments. In seconds I was materializing by the side of one of my sisters. She stood at the top of the Polis tower, the tallest building in Trikru territory. The only place where we could spread our wings without being seen, the building was so tall that the top was usually shadowed by clouds.

“Sister, it’s been a while,” Destiny said, not needing to turn to look at me to know I was there.

“Father keeps us both quite busy,” I responded, walking to her side and offering her a tight hug. Destiny only hummed in response. I could sense her sadness, but I decided not to ask. I knew she would share when she felt like it.

“I often find myself at a loss with Father’s creatures, I do what I can to push them in the right direction and things often end up quite wrong. I fear they don’t know what to do with their freedom,” Destiny whispered and I found myself nodding with a sigh.

“Are you talking about a Human in particular?” I asked against my better judgment. Destiny could see things only Father could and they were often unpleasant.

“I have seen the body of your human been dragged lifelessly out of the lake,” Destiny said with a hard swallow. I felt my eyes water and my hands clench into fists. If Destiny was seeing such a thing it was because Lexa had made her choice. “A couple of years ago child suicide didn’t even exist,” Destiny said. She was calm, but I knew her enough to know she was angry. “I thought your meddling could prevent this, but she has chosen.”

“When will she do it? Maybe I can stop her,” I said, placing a hand on my sister’s shoulder. I knew that she, like me, had a soft spot for children.

“You know that if you were capable of stopping her, I wouldn’t have seen her death in the first place. With the current pieces at play in her life, she ends up the same.”

“That’s why I came,” I said, hesitant. As much as it broke my sister’s heart to see the death of a child, she wasn’t fond of breaking the rules. “My meddling can’t stop this, but maybe yours can.”

“What are you saying?” Destiny asked, finally turning to look at me. The brilliance of her gaze blinding me for a second.

“I want you to introduce another piece to Lexa’s life.”

“That’s not-” my sister tried to say, but I cut in before she could finish.

“I know it is not allowed, but listen, there’s another child I’m trying to keep an eye on. She will end up in the system anyway. All I ask is that you pull some strings so that she ends up in the same place as Lexa,” I said, almost begging.

“That place is atrocious,” Destiny said with a look on disgust in her face. “I do my best so no child ends up there. If you are fond of this child you will not ask me to put them there.”

“Use your sight,” I pleaded. “Please, just try and see what would happen if Raven and Lexa ended up together in that place. If Lexa still dies and Raven becomes miserable, I will stop asking. But if there is a chance that they will make each other’s lives more bearable…” I trailed off, knowing my sister would understand.

“It is a stretch. They were not supposed to meet and Raven’s current path is not much better than Lexa’s,” Destiny said with a small wince. “I push and pull humans in certain directions, but their decisions are what set in motion the chain reaction that becomes their path.”

“We both know it is different for children, they are like this because of their parents’ decisions, not their own. It’s not Raven’s fault that her mother is an addict and it’s not Lexa’s fault that she was abandoned in that hospital… Their parents stepped out of the path you tried to push them into, they made the wrong decisions and their children are paying for them,” I said strongly, taking a deep breath to try and control my temper. My sister didn’t have to be the vessel for my frustrations. “I’m just asking you to check this possibility. I understand that it is a stretch but just check. If Raven and Lexa could make each other better then there’s no harm in putting them in each other’s paths. If it gets worse then we let the current events follow their curse and that’s it.”

Destiny didn’t say anything for a while. I knew she was taking the time to consider my words and I was thankful for it. I knew that my plan would break many rules, but if there was any chance of making sure both Lexa and Raven had a happy life, I would do whatever I could to make it happen.

“I will do as you ask,” Destiny said, at last, making me sigh in relief. “However, placing Raven in the atrocious place will take me some time. I know you are quite busy, but I need you to make sure to delay Lexa’s plans while I try to push Raven in the right direction.”

“Thank you!” I said as I pulled my sister into a tight hug.

“Just give Lexa a kiss for me. Tell her to hold on, I’m sending a friend her way.”

“You can visit her, she can see us,” I said as I pulled away with a smile.

“I don’t want to get attached. If I did, and something went wrong, I would be crushed. I’m not you, I’m not strong enough to bear that.”

I nodded in understanding, thanking her once more before vanishing from her sight.

…………………….

I crawled under the bed with Lexa, pulling her tiny body against my chest. She was no longer crying, but she didn’t have to. The stench of her pain and her sadness was enough to water my own eyes.

“Hey, I know what you are thinking,” I whispered. She didn’t react, she just stayed there quiet and still in my arms.

“You promised you wouldn’t look inside my head,” Lexa said slowly, her voice hoarse with lack of use. I knew that she went most of the day without speaking. She still struggled with the r sound, and to avoid being mocked about it she refused to speak to the other children. The adults mostly ordered her around, so a nod usually sufficed with them.

“I try, but I can’t help but hear people’s thoughts. Believe me, if I could mute them, I would,” I said, pressing a kiss to the back of her head. Lexa just hummed in response, not saying anything else. I took a deep breath, trying to brace myself for the following conversation. “I know you want to jump off that bridge.”

“I don’t want to be here anymore,” Lexa said simply. I closed my eyes in response, squeezing her a little tighter.

“I know, but a friend is on the way. I was hoping you could wait for her to get here before going to the bridge.”

“She will just mock me and hit me like all the others,” Lexa whispered, curling up into a tiny little ball.

“I know she won’t do that. She is very smart and she’s nice. She is also younger than you. How will she make it in this place if there’s no one there to help her? She would be sad and alone, like you are, and you wouldn’t want anyone else to feel this way, would you?”

I felt Lexa shake her head against my chest and smiled a little to myself.

“All I ask is that you give her a chance. If she ends up being as bad as everyone else then I’ll understand if you go to the bridge and I will stop trying to stop you.”

Lexa finally rolled over, facing me and burying her face against my neck.

“I’m sorry I want to go to the bridge, Thana,” Lexa whispered tearfully, letting her tears run down my skin.

“No, don’t be sorry,” I whispered with tears of my own, “it’s not your fault. I’m sorry I can’t do more for you.”

“Don’t say that, you are my only friend.”

“Soon you will have her too, and things will be better,” I reassured, running my hand down her soft hair.

“You promise?”

“Yes, I promise,” I whispered, placing a kiss against her forehead and hoping for Raven to get there soon.

…………………………..

I knew Father had gifted Raven with more intelligence than He usually gave the average human. Raven had started speaking early; and with Luna’s constant support she had managed to memorize the periodic table, the names of all the planets and a bunch of stars, as well as the names of scientists that I had dragged Up There and Down There as I was instructed to long, long ago. Raven knew all the bones in the human body and all the capitals to all the countries in the world. Luna had quickly noticed that Raven was not like other children and she was happy to nurture her interests as best as she could. I knew that Luna would be sad for not having Raven around anymore, but I also knew that the state wouldn’t allow her to take Raven into custody. Not that Luna would attempt to make that happen, she already had two children of her own and was struggling to make ends meet. I knew there was a huge difference between keeping an eye on Raven when her mom wasn’t around and actually taking care of all her needs by having her live with her.

Still, I was happy to see that Raven’s backpack was filled with colorful books with nothing but science stuff that I didn’t care much for. Raven was still learning how to read, and was struggling with big words, but I knew that wouldn’t be too much of a problem. She was naturally curious and insanely smart and Lexa, who could read well enough, could probably help her reading whatever big words Raven had trouble with.

Raven didn’t understand what was happening. The air around her stunk of fear and pain and her thoughts were circling around her mother. The young child couldn’t help but wonder where her mom was and if she was okay. And I couldn’t blame her, Sara might have been a neglectful mother, but she had still spent the last five years in Raven’s life. And for a small child like Raven, that meant something.

I could only watch as the young girl continued to cry as she was taken to the group home by the hand of the social worker. Raven could hear the screaming children from the outside of the home, the sound only becoming more deafening once she made it inside. I wasn’t surprised by the overwhelming sensations that were filling the small child. That group home had more children than it could hold and that the adults could handle. And Raven, used to being on her own in her mom’s apartment, wasn’t used to all the noise.

Once the social worker left, the handler shouted Lexa’s name up the stairs. I could barely contain my excitement as I stood there watching, invisible to everyone but Lexa, who rushed down the stairs as soon as she heard her name, knowing well that the adults didn’t like to be kept waiting.

The adult was quick to instruct Lexa to show Raven around and to teach her the rules of the group home. Lexa nodded in response and reached her hand out to Raven. The younger one took Lexa’s hand hesitantly, still feeling sad and afraid, and also quite nervous about the big bruise on one of Lexa’s eyes and the sight of her split lip. However, she relaxed slightly once she felt Lexa’s soft hold against her palm.

Lexa didn’t introduce herself and simply tugged Raven up the staircase. The younger girl immediately noticed that Lexa wasn’t that talkative as she didn’t say a word to Raven during the walk to what would be Raven’s new bedroom.

The first thing Raven saw were the three bunk beds that were inside the room. I knew that Raven was smart enough to figure out that she would be sleeping in the same room with 5 other kids and I only continued to watch as Lexa tugged Raven to the bunk bed pressed to the wall on the left.

I continued to watch as Lexa freed Raven from the weight on her back, moving her hands under the other girl's armpits and lifting her onto the mattress of the bottom bunk. Lexa pulled out a handkerchief from her pocket, the one her father had left behind years ago in the hospital, and used it to pat softly at Raven’s moist cheeks.

Lexa then pointed at Raven and patted the bottom bunk. After that, she pointed at herself and at the top bunk. Raven understood what she wanted to say and nodded silently, trying to breathe through her quiet sobs.

“You can talk to her, kid. I promise she won’t mock you,” I whispered, knowing that Lexa would be the only one to hear me. I had already trained Lexa to not turn towards me when I spoke to her in front of other people.

“Kids will want to take this from you,” Lexa whispered to Raven as she tilted her chin towards the younger girl’s backpack. “We need to hide it, okay?”

Raven nodded once more, sniffling loudly as another round of tears poured down her cheeks. She had noticed that Lexa said the word ‘from’ funny, but she didn’t say anything about it. Lexa jumped onto the bed, sitting next to Raven and wrapping an arm around her shoulders, squeezing gently as I often did to her.

“It’s okay. I’ll show you how to stay safe here, I promise,” Lexa whispered, waiting for Raven to make a comment about the way she spoke, but it never came. The younger girl only nodded against Lexa’s shoulder, trying to stop crying.

“What’s your name?” Raven asked, looking up into Lexa’s eyes. She would grow up to learn that they weren’t really green. That they were grey and that they shifted between shades of blue and green when the light changed, or depending on the color of the shirt that Lexa was wearing.

“Lexa,” the older girl responded. “What’s your name?”

“Raven,” the younger girl said, watching Lexa blush in embarrassment.

“I can’t say your name right,” Lexa whispered, struggling with the r sound once more.

“You can give me another name, like a nickname!” Raven said, after successfully remembering that Luna very rarely called her Raven and that more often than not, she would call her Rae instead. “My friend Luna used to call me Rae, you can call me something else, too.”

“Okay,” Lexa said, thinking of something and coming up blank. Every nickname she could think of somehow involved the r sound she was trying to avoid. She turned to me looking for help and I spewed the first thing that crossed my mind.

“Venna?” I offered with a shrug, watching as Lexa repeated the nickname back to Raven.

Raven nodded, offering Lexa a small smile.

“Can I give you another name too?” Raven asked and Lexa nodded her head in response. “Can I call you Lexie?”

“Yes,” Lexa said, her smile tugging at the split on her lip. “You do what I tell you and you will be fine, okay?”

“Okay,” Raven nodded quickly. “Will you be my friend, Lexie?”

Lexa looked up at me before answering and I was quick to give her a double thumbs up.

“Yes, I don’t have friends here,” Lexa mentioned shily, receiving a smile from Raven.

“I’ll be your friend.”

“Okay,” Lexa whispered, not knowing what else to say, but happily hugging Raven back when the other girl tackled her in a fierce hug.

“My job here is done,” I said to myself as I waved Lexa goodbye and disappeared from view. I needed to go back to my job, there was barely any rest for the Angel of Death.

………………………………


	2. Two

Dear reader, I know that I mentioned having a soft spot for children. Allow me to clarify, that fondness does not extend to all baby humans on earth, just to the ones that are not complete dicks.

Upon arriving at the group home, Raven immediately became a target for the other kids. It was like she was their new play thing, she quickly became the main receiver for their pranks and for their aggression. It took the heat off Lexa for a moment, for the 0.5 seconds that it took Lexa to decide that she had to defend her new friend.

Raven was smarter than all the children at the group home, and while that was a good thing, it also meant that she got easily bored and that she was not the slightest bit entertained by the games the other kids wanted to play. She would rather keep reading her books, and that gave the other kids ammunition against her.

Just the sight of her sitting and reading seemed to annoy the other kids, so as Raven sat under a tree with one of her books and Lexa at her side, one little asshole stepped closer to them. I watched Lexa go rigid, her little hands curling into fists. I wasn’t surprised, the little human trash that had approached them was one of Lexa’s main bullies, he was one of the main reasons why Lexa refused to speak and avoided R words as much as she could. He was older too, maybe 8 or 9 years old, dumb enough to be one grade behind and very big for his age. 

I watched the mocking start, the boy saying some stupid thing about why Raven was reading if they weren’t in school, that Raven was a nerd, senseless things that moved along those lines. I watched Raven’s face contort in sadness and embarrassment, closing her book and pulling it close to her chest. She was used to receiving similar treatment at school, but when she was home Luna was always there to tell her that she was doing nothing wrong and that having her own interests was okay. Luna made her feel better about herself, and it almost made it okay for her not to have any friends, but in the group home the staff couldn’t care less and the kids were little assholes.

I knew that Lexa had explained to Raven that talking back to them always made things worse, but this particular asshole was getting insistent and I could see that Lexa was getting worked up. Her breathing was becoming heavier, her knuckles were white and I could see in her posture that she would jump any minute now.

The shit hit the fan when the boy reached to take Raven’s book away from her. Lexa jumped, her knuckles busting the boy’s lip with one solid punch. I had taught her well. They fell back against the grass, Lexa was on top of the boy and was about to punch him in the face once more when the boy retaliated and landed a knee to Lexa’s gut. I winced at the sound of the gasp that left her lips. I knew he had knocked the air out of her lungs and hoped she would recover quickly enough to block his next hits. Lexa fell to the side, her knees curling up to protect her torso as the boy fell on her, she tried to block him but the boy grabbed one of her forearms with his hand and forced it against the grass, giving him enough room to hit her face and chest a few more times.

I could not take it. I fell on my knees by Lexa’s head, screaming at her louder than I probably should have, but knowing that she would be the only one to hear me.

“BETWEEN THE LEGS, LEXA, BETWEEN THE LEGS!” I shouted, feeling my own desperation stink the backyard as Lexa’s knee landed on the boy's crotch. He recoiled on impact, but didn’t fall away from her. “AGAIN! AGAIN!” I continued to shout, watching Lexa hit the boy even harder still, the kid fell on his side, clutching his sore parts as another two kids rushed towards the fight. Not good. They were his friends. I looked around frantically while Lexa stepped in front of Raven, fists raised and unafraid.

“Lexa, grab the stick! Quickly, grab the stick!” I yelled, pointing towards the stick that lay by the roots of the tree. Lexa rushed towards it and picked it up with a bit of difficulty. I realized then, that the piece of wood was probably too heavy for her little form to carry, as the stick was longer and just a bit thicker than one of her little arms. “Give them the scary look I taught you and hold the stick up. Tell them to go away.”

I watched Lexa do as told, her arms shaking with the strain as she bared her teeth and frowned, nostrils flaring as she let out a deep growl.

“GO AWAY!” She shouted, taking a step towards the three boys with the stick high in the air. With relief, I watched the three boys take a step back, helping their asshole friend to his feet before dragging him away.

I stood behind Lexa for a second, placing my hands on her shoulders and giving them a soft squeeze.

“You are okay,” I knew she wasn’t, but I had to try to convince her that things would be okay, even if they weren’t. “They are gone and they didn’t get to Raven, maybe it’s better if you take her back inside. Just take a deep breath, everything is fine and I’m right here with you.”

Lexa nodded and dropped the stick, she walked back towards Raven to find the girl with tears on her cheeks, clutching her books to her chest like her life depended on it.

“Come,” Lexa said, wanting to get out of the backyard as quickly as possible. She took Raven by the hand and helped her stand up, pulling her quickly into the home and up to their room.

Lexa pulled Raven into the bathroom and lifted her onto the toilet seat, she locked the door and pulled her handkerchief from her pocket, running the soft cloth over the tiny girl’s cheeks.

“Here is not safe,” Raven sobbed, “here is not safe.” 

Lexa pulled Raven’s book gently from her arms and placed it on the floor, reaching out to hold Raven’s hands on her own.

“No, Venna. This place is awful,” Lexa whispered, never being one to lie. “The kids are mean and the adults are scary. It’s not safe, but you don’t have to cry.”

“I want to go back home. It was always quiet and no one tried to hit me,” Raven continued to cry and Lexa could only give her hands another squeeze.

“Maybe you’ll go home, but don’t be scared. I won’t let them hurt you,” Lexa whispered, fixing her green eyes on Raven’s and giving her a soft smile.

“They hit you, Lexie. You are hurt.”

I watched Lexa shrug and the little gesture might as well have broken my heart.

“They always hit me, it’s okay,” Lexa whispered, running her tiny thumbs over Raven’s flushed cheeks.

“I don’t want them too, I don’t want them too!” Raven sobbed, unable to calm down. I felt my heart squeeze in my chest when I saw Lexa pull Raven into her arms. They sat there, on the floor of the bathroom, one of them sore and bruised, the other scared and sad. I don’t know why I stayed to watch, but I didn’t know how to leave, so I stayed there, watching the both of them suffer in their own way.

“I’m safe, okay? I promise,” I heard Lexa whisper, her hand moving up and down Raven’s back. “I won’t hurt you,” she continued, her Rs sounding off as they usually did. “I’ll protect you.”

Raven’s smaller frame shook in Lexa’s hold, I ached to give them some comfort but there was nothing else I could do. I had already meddled enough and someone would surely come to tell me all about it soon enough.

“I will be punished for hitting him,” Lexa whispered then, her tiny hands drawing circles on Raven’s back.

“Why?” Raven exclaimed, eyes wide and wet. “He was mean, he wanted to take my book!”

“The adults don’t care, they will punish us both for fighting. I’ll have to stay in the basement.”

“When will you come back?” Raven asked, bottom lip wobbling dangerously.

“I don’t know. You need to stay safe until I’m out, okay? Find one of the big girls, they will make you help them do their chores, but they won’t hurt you. Stay with them until I’m out, yes?” Lexa asked, brushing her palms over Raven’s wet cheeks.

Raven nodded slowly, her brown eyes bloodshot and red.

“When will my mommy come and get me?”

“I don’t know, Venna. You just have to be strong until she comes, okay? I won’t let the mean kids hurt you until she comes, I promise,” Lexa whispered. Raven lurched forwards and wrapped her arms tightly around the older girl’s neck. I watched Lexa let the feeling of being hugged by someone wash over her. Her eyes closing softly as she wrapped her arms around Raven’s smaller body. With her parents gone and having bounced between the orphanage and the group home, Lexa hadn’t really experienced affection from other people, not real people, at least.

I had held Lexa several times and I knew she appreciated it, but being held by a real person was different from being hugged by me. I knew that deep down, Lexa wasn’t completely sure if I was real or not. It stung a little, but it was better that way. Raven was a little different, her mother could be negligent and she had issues with addiction, but she was never downright hostile towards Raven, and she could be even good to her at times. There was also Luna, who had been like a second mother to Raven ever since I introduced them back when she was a baby. Even if she was too small to understand the meaning behind things, Raven had had the chance to experience love, affection, and a somewhat stable environment. I honestly couldn’t tell if that would be a good thing or not. All Lexa knew was the hostility of the world, she didn’t know anything else, and somehow that made her everyday situation normal. For Raven it was quite a violent change, I could only hope she could handle it.

They stayed there for a few more minutes, holding each other, with Lexa whispering comforting words in Raven’s ear. It was striking to see that she was imitating me, almost repeating word for word things that I had told her to comfort her at some point. I don’t know why seeing that moved me so much, but it did, and I had to look away.

The three of us were brought back to reality when there was a knock on the bathroom door, a second after one of the adults was moving in. The older woman stared at the image in front of her with a bored expression on her face, not even blinking at the obvious bruising all over Lexa’s face.

“Woodson, heard you won a ticket to the basement,” the woman said to Lexa. She rarely called any of the kids by their names, preferring to call them by their surnames. It was so impersonal and cold, as if the group home didn’t already suck.

“I did, Mrs. Allard, I’ll go right now,” Lexa said, standing up and reaching for Raven’s book, offering it to the smaller girl and standing protectively in front of her.

“I heard you threatened to hit some kid with a stick,” the woman leaned against the doorframe, her eyebrows arching and making her wrinkles more prominent than they usually were. She was the less disgusting adult in the entire group home, she sat around doing nothing, which meant that she never directly hurt any of the kids. That was enough for me.

“I did, Mrs. Allard,” Lexa said simply. She knew there was no point in elaborating. She had learned long ago that the best way to survive was to talk only when strictly necessary. Say very little and always stay silent if possible. Anything she said could be twisted against her, so very early on I had taught her that staying quiet was the way to go.

“And well, did you hit him with the stick?” the woman asked, looking at Lexa expectantly from behind her glasses. I stared at her with an amused smile on my face, humans were surely something…

“No, Mrs. Allard, I did not hit him with the stick.”

“Hmm,” she said in distaste, “a pity.” She gave Lexa a wink, making my girl smile, and for the first time ever I considered not dragging her sorry ass to Hell once she died. “Come, I’ll walk you to the basement.”

“You’ll be okay, Venna,” Lexa whispered, squeezing Raven’s hand.

“Come, Woodson, it’s time to go,” the woman said, ushering Lexa out of the bathroom.

I stayed with Raven for a moment, watching her hide her book before wandering around the group home looking for one of the older girls. She eventually found Echo, a sixteen year old who had been pulled in and out of the system more times than I could count. She would grow out of it in a year and half and it was unlikely for her to find a forever home at that point.

“Did Lexa send you?” Echo asked, staring at Raven from her place next to the drier as she loudly chewed on her gum. Raven only nodded, too afraid and too sad to speak. “Come fold these,” Echo said, motiniong Raven to sit down on the floor next to the basket full of freshly dried clothes. Raven did as told quickly, looking at the basket like she had never seen it before. She was smart, but she had never had to do chores before, she only picked up her toys and her books and made sure they were organized. Anything other than that was taken care of by her mother or Luna. “I’ll show you how, don’t worry. In the meantime, you can tell me all about how Lexa wacked that boy with the stick.” 

I watched for a moment longer, making sure she was okay before going down to the basement.

“You okay, kid?” I asked. The basement was dark, cold, and for some reason it was always wet. It smelled terrible and there were disgusting animals walking around. I honestly didn’t know why Father had created them in the first place.

“Yeah, good. Is Venna okay?” She asked as I sat down by her side, wrapping my arms securely around her shoulders.

“Yeah, she’s with Echo. She’ll be fine. How are you feeling?” I didn’t really need to ask, sensing people’s feelings came to me as one of my abilities, but I still wanted to get a few words out of Lexa.

“I’m fine.”

I knew that that was her default response, so I needed to get a bit more specific.

“Do you feel better now that Raven is here?”

“She is nice to me. She doesn’t make fun of the way I talk. She said she will be my friend. I have never had a friend before, just you, Thana,” Lexa said softly, letting her head rest on my chest.

“That sounds really nice. Do you think maybe… with Raven here… you can consider not going to the bridge?”

“I can’t go to the bridge now,” Lexa said, shaking her head. “I have to make sure Raven is safe. She’s small, they will make her cry if I’m not here.”

“Yeah, she would surely have a hard time in this place without her friend,” I answered, my mind spinning a little. Would Lexa go back to that bridge the moment Raven was removed from her life? What if somehow Raven ended up with her mother again? What if someone decided to adopt her?

I took a deep breath, letting unnecessary air fill my lungs as I tried to calm my thoughts. One problem at a time. One problem at a time.

“Thana, did you make Raven come here?” Lexa asked then, looking up at me with her big green eyes. My eyes could see her perfectly in the darkness, but to her I was probably a shapeless blob.

“Not really. See, I care about Raven like I care about you. So sometimes I go and watch her just to make sure she is doing okay. One day I went to her home and it was burning, her mother was there but she was unconscious so she couldn’t get Raven to safety or stop the fire. I called for help and made sure Raven was safe. The adults that are in charge, the ones that make the rules, they decided that Raven’s mommy wasn’t responsible enough to take care of her so Raven was going to go to another place similar to this. I just asked a friend to make sure she came here so that she could have a friend, too.” Lexa didn’t say anything for a while, I could hear her mind processing the information I had just given her and waited patiently to see if she had any questions.

“So you kept Venna from getting hurt?”

“Yes, the fire could have seriously hurt her and her mother if I hadn’t intervened.”

“What does unconscious mean?”

“It’s like when you are very deeply asleep, so deeply that it is harder to wake up. Like when you are asleep a loud noise can wake you, or being shaken can wake you. When you are unconscious you don’t wake up like that and sometimes you need help from a doctor. So even though Raven was crying and asking her mom for help, her mom just didn’t react and they were trapped there until I made sure they both got out. Does that make sense?” I asked, wondering if I had made the explanation easy enough for her to understand. Lexa nodded. “Good.”

“Raven’s mommy needed help from a doctor?” Lexa asked then, tilting her head to the side.

“Yes, she did.” I kept my answer short, hoping that I wouldn’t have to try and explain drug addiction to a child. Of course I wasn’t that lucky.

“Was she sick?”

“Yes.”

“And did the doctors fix her?” Lexa asked and I looked up at the ceiling. I would have to explain, wouldn’t I?

“It’s not that easy, Lex. What Raven’s mommy has is not something the doctors can fix for her, they can help, but most of it is on her.”

Lexa frowned then, looking confused.

“I don’t understand. When you are sick, you go to the doctor and they make it better.”

“Well, Lex… Raven’s mommy, she is putting bad things inside her body, toxic things, things that make her sick. The doctors can help for a little while, but if she keeps putting those things in her body… they can’t stop her from doing that, she has to make that decision on her own.”

Lexa’s frown only deepened.

“Why is she putting bad things in her body?”

“I think it's because it feels really good for a little while. Sometimes she’s sad and she feels really bad so she goes and puts these things in her body and she forgets her pain for a while. Then her body gets used to having these bad things so she has to get more, if she doesn’t she gets sick and she starts feeling bad.” I could tell that Lexa didn’t fully understand what I was saying and maybe that’s why she didn’t ask any more questions, not in that direction at least.

“Will she get better?”

“I don’t know, I hope so,” I said, gently caressing the back of her head.

“Me too.”

“Yeah?” I asked.

“Yeah, I want her to come for Raven and take her somewhere else.”

I frowned a little, tilting my head down so I could try and meet her eyes in the dark.

“If that happened, you probably wouldn’t see Raven again.”

“I know,” Lexa said, cuddling closer to my chest. “Venna is sad here. She cries, she has to hide her books, the noise is scary for her. I don’t want her to cry.”

“This is all very new to her, in a little while it will get better.”

“I don’t know, Thana, this place is bad,” Lexa whispered. “It didn’t get better for me. I want my mommy to come for me, too.”

“Lex…” I fought as hard as I could so my voice wouldn’t crack. “You know your mommy is-”

“Dead.” She cut me off. 

“Yeah, she can’t come for you.”

“I know,” She said.

“Do you? Do you understand what it means to be dead?”

“Yes. It means she isn’t here. You explained it to me once, you said it wasn’t her fault, that she didn’t want to. That it just happened. You told me that death is final and that people can’t and will never come back from it. I know my mommy will never come for me, I just want her to. Is that wrong, Thana?” Lexa asked, her voice breaking in the last vowel of my name.

I pulled her onto my lap and hugged her tightly.

“No, Lex, it’s not wrong. I just worry because it must hurt so much.” How could it not? I couldn’t help but wonder. Wishing for things that would never happen could do nothing but make the heart rot, wither away into nothing. What would happen to Lexa’s heart? Would she ever stop wishing?

“It hurts,” she cried into my neck, “I don’t know how to stop.”

“I know, Lex, I know. I’m right here, okay?”

She nodded, the feeling of her tears chilling my skin as she continued to cry quietly. She restrained herself even when it was only the two of us, the idea that being loud was wrong was deeply ingrained in her and even though she knew I would never hurt her, she couldn’t let herself cry freely. Instead, she pressed her face tightly against my shirt, muffling the sounds of her pain against the fabric and keeping her body tense in an attempt to diminish the shaking of her shoulders.

“I know things feel wrong, Lex, but I have faith they will get better someday. For you and for Raven.”

She just nodded, not saying anything else as she started to calm.

I held her all through the night, figuring that sleeping against my body was better than sleeping against the floor of the basement. She was let out of there a few hours after breakfast and I could only hope they would give her something to eat as I waved goodbye, I needed to go and do my job.

…………………………………

I had just come up from a trip Down There when one of my siblings landed next to me. 

“Time, hello, seeing you is like having acid thrown in the face, as usual. How are you doing?”

She pulled me into an alley and pushed me hard against the nearest wall. The concrete cracked. What a bitch.

“You have one job. One. Dragging the worthless souls of Father’s precious humans up to Heaven and down to Hell, that is it. Please, sister, tell me exactly where you got that wrong?”

Dear reader, I will not insult your intelligence. I’m sure you can see my sister and I do not exactly get along. Why? She’s obviously a stuck up bitch, who gets whiny when the rules are broken. Allow me to apologize for forcing you to have to take her whining too, I assure you, I will be feeling as miserable as you will. Hope that counts for something.

“Why don’t you get to the point, Time? Not all of us sit around all day watching the seconds pass by,” I said as I pushed her off me.

“One of my timepieces is broken.”

Okay, reader. I know I was complaining about my sister a second ago, but the words that had just come out of her mouth were actually bad news.

“What do you mean broken?”

“It was supposed to stop, but when the time came it broke,” she said, pulling a golden pocket watch out of her coat and holding it by the chain in front of my face. I held it in the palm of my hand, turning it over to read the name in the back.

Alexandria Vogel.

I let out a deep breath, for a second there I thought I would see Lexa’s name on that watch.

“I don’t know this person, Time. Please, take your business elsewhere.” I brushed her off and started to walk towards the end of the alley.

“You are a fucking idiot, this is the child you have being looking after!” My sister yelled, clearly enraged. I turned slowly, a frown of confusion in my face.

“But how? Her surname is not Vogel.”

“Death, come on, you are the one making constant trips to earth. If you don’t know why the names don’t match there’s not a chance I have that information,” my sister said, looking visibly exasperated.

I had to be sure, I had to be sure the name on the back of that watch was actually Lexa’s, I walked towards the street and grabbed the first man that crossed my sight. I pulled him by the tie into the alley and pushed him hard against the wall with my forearm against his throat. The concrete did not crack. I was a decent creature.

“Hello, human. Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you.”

“Here! Take all my money, just let me go, please!” He begged with his limited air supply.

“Oh Dear Father in Heaven, how in the Hell did you create such cowardly creatures?” I said with a frown, looking down at the man with mild disgust. “I just said I’m not going to kill you, calm down,” I said to the guy. He stared back at me with a gaping mouth and wide eyes.

“You are pressing too hard on his windpipe, dumbass!” Time smacked me in the back of the head with her palm. I turned to look at her with a glare before turning to look back at the guy. Right, he was going red in the face.

“Forgive me, Human. I didn’t mean to choke you,” I said as I stood back and fixed up his jacket, straightened her tie, and brushed away the dust that had fallen over his shoulder. “Now, don’t scream or run. I just want to ask you a question.” He nodded quickly, taking a few deep breaths and pulling his briefcase close to his body.

“Do you happen to know anything about the way orphans are named?” I asked.

“What? What do you mean?” The guy asked, looking confused.

“I know a child, an orphan, she seems to have two different surnames. I want to know why this could happen.”

“Oh! Okay, I think I do know that,” he stopped to think for a second and I got to see the answer to my question in his mind before it crossed his lips. “Orphans are known to be children whose parents have died, are unknown, or have permanently abandoned them… For this reason, I suppose, the children are often nameless when they reach the state facilities that will take care of them. So… because there’s no record of their parents they are named after the location where they were born, in this case, it would depend on the state of the United Nations where the child was born in.”

“Go on,” I whispered, needing to hear the explanation outloud.

“Hmm. Well. For example, if a child is born in the state of Trikru and is abandoned by their parents, they will be appointed a name in the hospital or in the state facility they reach first and they would get the surname Woodson as in child of the woods. The surname relates to what years and years ago was the Trigedakru or the Woods Clan, which later became the state of Trikru. It is the same with the state of Azgeda, their orphans get Northrop. And the orphans from Ouskejonkru, they get Clifton. Look, I don’t know them all, but all the states have established a surname for their orphans. If the child you mention is an orphan and they have two different surnames it can because one of those is their birth name and the other is their state given name, or maybe one is the state given name and the other is their adoptive name. When orphans are adopted they take the name of the family that takes them in so maybe that’s why- Look, I don’t know. Can I go now?” The man said in a rush, I gave him my back and said nothing. I focused on the watch sitting on the palm of my hand, hoping that the intensity of my gaze would turn the name I was seeing into something else. Just at the edge of my consciousness I could hear the loud steps of the man as he ran out of the alley.

“Vogel must be the name of her father,” I said to my sister. I knew Lexa’s mother and I knew that that wasn’t her surname.

I finally pressed on the crown of the watch, the metal lid on the front opened and revealed the glass underneath. It had a deep crack that split the dial diagonally in two. But the time was still visible, forever frozen at 11:13, the date was June 27/2005.

“That’s today, that time was an hour ago,” Time said, sounding more worried than angry. “Her time was supposed to run out an hour ago, Death! She was supposed to die an hour ago!”

But on June 27/2005 at exactly 11:13 in the morning, Lexa was still locked up in the basement of the group home after getting punished for protecting Raven from that boy. I realized then… that she wasn’t supposed to be in that basement, she was supposed to be at the bottom of the lake, lungs full of water after jumping off the bridge.

“Don’t you see what you have done!” my sister shouted, and I couldn’t keep it all in, not anymore.

“HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT A CHILD WAS SUPPOSED TO COMIT  _ SUICIDE?”  _ I grabbed Time by the front of her coat and smashed her back against the wall, the concrete cracked and dust fell over our heads. 

“Death, come on, let her go,” I heard Destiny’s voice, her hand gently squeezing my shoulder as she pulled me off our sister. 

“Did you know?” I asked quietly, barely able to look her in the eye as I closed the lid of the pocket watch and held it tightly in my fist.

“No. I don’t know when their time is going to run out. Only Time knows that,” Destiny whispered, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pressing a quick kiss against the side of my face. I tried to calm down and turned to look at Time to find a reasonable explanation.

“I don’t understand. What the hell is going on?”

“I’m not saying the child was supposed to take her own life. You know well that nothing is set in stone and none of us can say that she was  _ meant  _ to comit suicide or anything as such. All I can say because it is what her watch is telling me, is that she was not supposed to live past 11:13 this morning. How exactly was she supposed to die, I don’t know,” Time said, keeping her voice calm and steady.

“The path she was on was going to lead her to take her own life on a bridge near the group home, Time, I saw it. It makes it seem like that was supposed to happen,” Destiny said, moving to stand somewhere between Time and I, getting ready to stop another fight if it were to occur.

“People die, that’s part of what being human means. They are mortals, Father made them that way. They die, they kill each other, they kill themselves. They are the biggest danger their species has. It doesn’t make sense and it surely isn’t natural, but that is what they have made of themselves. There is only so much we can do for them and in this occasion you have overstepped,” Time said, giving me the urge to wrap my hands around her neck and twist it like a fucking pretzel. “Father gave them the ability and the freedom to think for themselves and they do nothing but kill each other with it. Fighting over land, resources, need I go on?”

“She is a child, Time. And the last thing she has is freedom, if you wanted me to stand by and watch her jump off that bridge just so that I would have to pick up her soul after, then you can go fuck yourself!”

“For fucks sake, Death! For the millionth time, I’m not saying she was supposed to comit suicide!” Time shouted, completely filled with frustration and anger.

“Then what the fuck are you saying?”

“That she was supposed to die today! How? I don’t fucking know. But let me ask you something, did you know when she was going to do it? How do you know she was going to do it today?”

I froze, I didn’t actually know. It’s not like I had asked Lexa to mark it on the calendar. I just knew she had been close to doing it around the days before I got Raven in the group home. 

“Destiny…” I whispered, turning to my sister in hopes she would have something to say that would clear things up.

“I don’t know, Thana. I saw Lexa die in that lake, I don’t know if that death matches the one on the watch, but the moment we started meddling, that path dissolved and another started forming. I don’t know if in that new path Lexa was still going to die. I only saw the original path that she had chosen and we made that one disappear.” 

“What now then?” I asked, turning to look at Time with an expressionless face. I was too exhausted, there were too many things to process and everything was going way too fast. “The watch broke, big deal. Let’s just let it go and move on.”

“No, we can do that you stupid asshole!”

“Time, for the love of God!” Destiny chastised, holding me back before I could get to Time and rip her little head off.

“If the watch broke is because something that happened as a consequence of her death needs to happen and isn’t happening because she is alive,” Time explained. “We need to figure out what that is and make it happen, if not the ripple effect could have unimaginable consequences.”

“She is an orphan, no one would really care if she died, suicide or not,” I said, not seeing the point.

“No one would really care, but the group home would have gotten a lot of unwanted attention. I told you before, I have been pulling strings to get that place shut down for a long time now. Imagine what would happen if a child died under their care,” Destiny said, her eyes shining bright. “A child dying under their care would have provoked enough of a problem for that place to be closed, or at least I would hope so.”

“Do you have any better ideas?” I asked, my eyes on Time.

“I just want to avoid a bigger problem, that’s it.” She said. 

“Let’s get to work then.”

My sisters nodded and we started making a plan to get the group home shut down. We weren’t sure that was actually the event that needed to happen after Lexa’s death, but if it wasn’t the chaos that would follow would let us know. 

………………………………..

As the Angel of Death I often needed to be at several places at once, because of this Father had gifted me with the ability to do with time whatever I wanted according to my needs. That ability allowed me to freeze time and go get Lexa.

She was a little confused by the stillness and the quiet, but I assured her that everything was okay and held her by the hand as we walked through the woods behind the group home. It was a short walk and she seemed content with being there, she thought the bridge was beautiful and she loved the sight of the light of the sun reflecting on the surface of the lake.

We sat down, our legs dangling over the edge of the bridge.

Reader, I know what you must be thinking. Why the hell would I take a possibly suicidal child to the place where she wanted to commit suicide? Well, she knew those woods better than I knew myself and she could go there whenever she wanted so me taking her there wouldn’t really make a difference. And after everything that had happened yesterday I really needed to gauge exactly how she felt about the bridge and about what she had been thinking of doing.

“Why are we here?” Lexa asked. “And why isn’t the water moving?” Freezing time was weird, especially for a child, Lexa was used to the typical sounds of nature, birds, the wind, the way the water moved when tree leaves fell on its surface. When time was frozen nothing of the sort happened, it was bizarre and it was too complicated to explain.

“I know you are smart and I know we spoke about this just yesterday, but I need you to look at me and tell me how you feel about this place,” I said, tuning to look into her eyes and completely ignoring her second question.

She got really quiet for a moment but she didn’t look away.

“I hurt a lot sometimes, Thana, and I don’t know what to do with it,” She said honestly. I nodded in understanding. “Sometimes I want to come here and make it stop, sometimes I want that more than anything.” She stopped for a second and looked down at the water. When she looked at me again there was a small smile on her face. “Right now I want to keep Venna safe a little bit more than I want the pain to stop. I hope that tomorrow I feel the same way and the day after, and the day after…”

“Okay,” I said simply, trying to swallow through the worry in my throat. Had I made a mistake? Had I covered a bleeding wound with a bandaid? Would Lexa step off that bridge the moment Raven was out of her life?

One problem at a time. One problem at a time.

“I have something for you,” I said as I took the pocket watch out of the inside of my coat and offered it to Lexa.

She held it in her small hands, pressing the crown so that the front lid would open. She noticed that the glass was cracked and that the hands weren’t moving. She knew the watch didn’t work, but as any other kid that never recieved gifts would do, she thanked me profusely. 

“Thank you, Thana. It is very pretty, thank you,” she said, leaning in to give me a hug.

“No need for thanks, Lex. I want you to have it. I am going to tell you something very important, okay? There’s no need to be scared by it, you know I would never hurt you,” I said and she nodded quickly, looking up at me with wide eyes. “You can see that the watch has a time and a date, yes?” She nodded again. “I don’t know if I’m right, but I think that if I hadn’t brought Raven here you would have died at this time on this date.” She looked down at the watch, squeezing it a little bit harder. “I don’t know if that is true or not, there’s no way to be sure but I want you to have this, as a reminder. I want this watch to remind you that you are alive. You lived. With every second that passes, every minute, every hour… I want you to know that you made it and that’s enough. Each day counts, Lex, and I want you to know that. You are good and you are doing everything you can and that’s enough. You just have to look down at this and think ‘I made it one more hour, I made it one more day,’ and I want you to be proud about that, because I know it isn’t easy and you are doing it, okay?”

Lexa nodded quickly, the mist in her eyes spilling down her cheeks. I pulled her onto my lap and held her tightly to my chest.

“You are my favorite human ever,” I whispered as I peppered kisses all over her face. “My favorite. My favorite. My favorite.” She laughed softly and I felt my heart expand at least three sizes. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you, Thana. You and Venna are my favorites.”

I gasped dramatically, tickling her tummy.

“She made it to your favorites already? I’m going to get jealous.” She just wrapped her arms around my neck, hugging me closer still. I reciprocated the gesture, moving my hand up and down her back.

Eventually we separated, Lexa examined her watch a little more closely until she saw the name engraved in the back.

Alexandria Vogel.

“Is this my real name?” Lexa asked. I nodded.

“You knew Woodson wasn’t your real name?” She nodded, brushing her thumb softly over the words.

“Back in the orphanage we all had the same name. The people there told us it was the name given to orphans.” I nodded in response, not knowing what else to add. I was relieved to know that at least Lexa’s first name was chosen by her parents and not by a random person at the hospital she was born at. The name had been carefully knitted over a blanket that Lexa’s mom had had with her at the time of her daughter’s birth. “Vogel is a weird name, I have never met any other kid with this name. I have met a couple of kids with names like Smith, Jones, Taylor, and Davis but never Vogel.”

“That’s good though, better to have a special name that nobody else has, don’t you think? I think it’s way cooler,” I said, Lexa thought about it for a moment, tilting her head from side to side before agreeing. Do you want to know what it means?” I hoped she would say yes and that the answer to the question would give her as much delight as it gave me.

“Yes, what does it mean?” Lexa asked, leaning in, eyes bright with curiosity.

“Vogel means bird catcher.”

“Oh, that’s really cool, I like birds,” she said happily, I couldn't help but laugh.

“That’s good, Lex, but listen, guess who is named after a bird?” I knew there was no reason for her to know bird types and because of that she would never guess. The face she made as she leaned in said it all, her eyes only seemed to get wider, she seemed to be vibrating where she sat as she leaned further into me.

“Who? Who? Tell me, Thana!”

“Okay, okay, come closer,” I said as I leaned forward to whisper in her ear. “The person who is named after a bird is…  _ Raven.” _

Lexa gasped, pulling back to look at me with her mouth forming a perfect o.

“Really?”

“Yes. A Raven is a large, black bird. I would show you one if I could.” Lexa nodded quickly, my brief description of the animal was enough for her.

“Do you think this means that she will always be my friend?” Lexa asked, looking at me with nothing but hope in her eyes.

“I can’t be completely sure,” I said, not wanting to lie, “but it would make a lot of sense if that was the case.” Lexa agreed with me and cuddled up to my chest, holding the watch tight in her hand.

“I hope that’s what it means,” she said.

“I hope so, too,” I whispered, closing my eyes as I pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head.

_ Please, I begged to the sky, let them be friends, always. Let that be the meaning behind everything. _

Deep down I knew it was a shot in the dark, after all, they weren’t even supposed to meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments!!

**Author's Note:**

> I have never written anything like this. The narrator is unusual and I have never written in first person. This is an idea that came to me and that I couldn't get rid of until it was on paper. I'm not sure how serious I will be about this story; I'm hoping to see what people think of it and then go from there. If I do continue it, we will see them grow up from kids to adults. Not sure if it will be a linear story, probably not.
> 
> As you can tell, I'm a bit all over the place with this. I guess I wanted to try something new, but I'm not sure it works well. Super nervous about posting, so please, if you hate it, be gentle in the comments.
> 
> Let me know if you like it!
> 
> Should I continue it?
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


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